Why You Can’t Relax, Even When You’re Tired

How a dysregulated nervous system blocks deep rest—and what to do about it.

Can't sleep, Can't rest, always switched ON

You finally have space to rest. You lie down. You want to feel calm. You want your body to melt, your mind to hush.

But instead…Your heart thuds. Your thoughts loop. Your jaw’s tight. You grab your phone. You start scrolling. You feel even more tired—but still can’t stop.

Sound familiar?

This isn’t about laziness, poor discipline, or “overthinking.”This is your nervous system doing its best to keep you safe—even if it’s running outdated programming.

Let’s break down what’s really going on, from both a clinical lens (here comes the Pharmacist in me) and a somatic one.

🧠 What’s Happening in Your Body?

When you’ve been exposed to long-term stress—whether that’s emotional stress, trauma, burnout, or just never getting proper rest—your body adapts to survive.

Clinically, this shows up as:

• Elevated cortisol (your main stress hormone) and adrenaline, which keep your body in a “mobilised” state.

• Increased sympathetic nervous system activity—the fight, flight, or freeze mode designed to help you escape a threat.

• Over time, your system forgets how to turn off this alert mode. It begins to treat stillness as unsafe.

From a somatic trauma-informed perspective?

Your body—literally—does not trust rest. To a system that’s been chronically “on,” stillness feels unfamiliar. Vulnerable. Even dangerous.

This doesn’t just happen to trauma survivors. It happens to high-functioning women juggling emotional load, endless decisions, and invisible pressure to always “keep going.”

⚠️ Signs Your Nervous System Is Blocking Rest

You might not realise it, but your inability to relax is body-based, not mindset-based.

Here are common ways your system says “No” to rest—even when you're exhausted:

• You’re bone-tired but can’t fall asleep (or wake wired at 3am)

• You feel edgy or irritated when things get quiet

• You need noise, a snack, or your phone to feel like you’re “winding down”

• In stillness, your thoughts get louder, not quieter

• You’re so used to being “on” that “off” feels foreign

This isn’t your fault. It’s a learned protective pattern. Your body has memorised survival. Now it needs help remembering rest.

🌬️ 3 Somatic Steps to Reclaim Rest (Without Forcing It)

Trying to think your way into relaxation rarely works.Instead, we invite the body—gently, respectfully—back into a state of safety.

Here’s how:

1. Move before stillness

Rest isn’t always the first step. For a braced system, stillness can be too sharp.Start with 1–2 minutes of gentle shaking, bouncing, or cat-cow stretches. This discharges excess adrenaline and signals: “The threat is over.”

Try this: Stand with soft knees, and shake your arms and legs like you're shaking off tension. Let your breath follow naturally. Then pause. Notice the difference.

2. Track sensation instead of thoughts

Thinking is a form of control. Sensation is presence. Place a hand on your belly or heart, and track your breath or heartbeat. Can you feel the inhale? The exhale? The warmth under your palm?

This grounds you in now, not in the looping mind.

3. Sigh like you mean it

A slow, audible sigh is one of the simplest nervous system resets. It down-regulates sympathetic arousal and stimulates the vagus nerve—your body’s “brake pedal.”

Try three slow sighs, in through the nose, out through the mouth with sound. Exhale longer than the inhale. Feel your shoulders drop.

🛏️ You’re Not Broken. You’re Just Braced.

If you’ve ever said:

• “I’m tired but can’t switch off.”

• “I just want a break, but I don’t know how to rest.”

• “Even sleep feels like work.”

Please hear this:There’s nothing wrong with you.

Your nervous system adapted brilliantly to keep you functioning. Now, it needs gentle re-training—not pressure or perfection.

Deep rest isn’t about doing less. It’s about feeling safe enough to stop.

🌿 Want to Rest Without Forcing It?

Somatic Digital Detox Retreat

If you’re craving a reset that’s not just another “wellness to-do,”join me for the Digital Detox Retreat.

You’ll stretch, sigh, nap, shake, and reconnect with the rhythm your body remembers. No phones. No pressure. Just a safe space to unravel and restore.

Your body wants to rest. It just needs help feeling safe enough to do so. And that? Is exactly what somatic work was made for.